Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
