look no pants
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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