We're like a lot better than the average bears
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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