At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
