Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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