why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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