I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
