I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
