Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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