drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
