Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
