did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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