Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
