It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
