Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
