My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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