there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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