Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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