Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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