the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize