oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
