I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
