it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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