i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
