Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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