Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
