do herpes really smell.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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