Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
