i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
