I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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