The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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