Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What a dumb baby whore.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm too high and old for this...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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