the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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