I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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