I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
