Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
