Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
