haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
