turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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