I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
