Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
