Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
