You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
