I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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