apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
