But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
