Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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