Porn is love you can see.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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