I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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