Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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