Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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