i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
