You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
