May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize