Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize