3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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