he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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