that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
