The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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