you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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