Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
