Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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