i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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