i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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