She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
