Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
