Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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