New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
All I want is dick and wine.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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