it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
